Yesterday I had an interesting experience. I went to physio to have my arm assessed. While I was there I was asked if there was anything that I really struggled with or was worried about. I thought about it and mentioned that I found it difficult to put weight on my arm, like if I was on my hands and knees. Now honestly, I haven't been on my hands and knees since I broke my arm over 6 months ago. I was then asked to lean over the bed and put weight on both arms. I felt really uncertain about doing this because I was pretty sure I couldn't do it without pain. However, I do want to get better and so I tried it. You can imagine how surprised I was when I realized that I could put my full weight on my arms without any pain whatsoever. I was shocked. Then I was asked if there was anything else that I struggled with. I mentioned how I had a hard time laying on my left side. The therapist laid down and demonstrated an exercise that I could do to stretch the muscles in my arm when I am on my left side. Immediately I tensed up. I could almost feel the pain without even having tried the exercise. However, once again I was absolutely astonished to find that while there was a sensation in my arm when I did the stretch, it didn't hurt to do it. In fact it gave me more flexibility in the end. It was a very interesting and thought-provoking experience. In my mind I had been absolutely convinced that those were moves and stretches that I physically could not do. In fact there was no doubt in my mind that they would cause pain and discomfort. And yet my body has been healing for six months. Basically I am unaware of the healing that has taken place in my shoulder, I find that I still tend to baby that shoulder and protect it. After all, after having protected it for so long it's become a habit, it's almost become a part of who I am. I simply am not aware of some of the things I am able to do. And so I embark on a journey of discovery as I relearn my limits and abilities.
What would happen, if I allowed my injury to define me? If I never moved my arm again for fear of pain or discomfort, can you see how restricted I would be in EVERYTHING I did? It would affect forever, and even though my body heals itself, my fears would hold me back from embracing that healing!
Sometimes we have experiences in life with our hearts that are like a broken shoulder. Sometimes another person will say something that hurts our feelings, lets us down, or sometimes people make mistakes that we don't understand. Sometimes we make mistakes or do things we know we shouldn't do, the results of which, bring pain and despair in its wake. These experiences can cause spiritual pain which is difficult to bear and so we seek to alleviate that pain by not triggering it – much like a person immobilizes a broken shoulder. Over time we may begin to think about letting go of our hurt feelings or feelings of inadequacy but having protected and babied those feelings for so long, we are often not even aware of the coddling we have habitually given our heart. In fact sometimes those feelings become habit, and we don't want to let them go, especially after having gone to all the trouble of learning how to function with them present. At this point we firmly believe that we can't let them go. In fact, at this point, we are defined by our injury. It holds us back.
Sometimes we think we are getting better and that we are functioning at our full capacity, when in all honesty we still hang onto the memory of the pain. That memory inhibits us and hold us back from being our true selves. It is not until we try doing the things that we thought we couldn't do – extending forgiveness, sharing the gospel, teaching a lesson, giving service, correcting a mistake – that we find out that through the grace of God we can do more than we thought we could do. We CAN let go of hurt feelings, personal inhibitions, and the pain of loss, injury, disappointment, and even betrayal. All it takes is a willingness to try with all your heart. Just like I learned that I could put weight on my shoulder, when we seek and wholeheartedly endeavor to let go of spiritual pain and bad memories we can do so much more than we ever dreamed possible. We are no longer inhibited! In fact, we can begin to function once again, as though NO INJURY had EVER taken place! What a thrilling discovery! The joy that introduces into ones life as it brings freedom to be the loving being that we are at our very core. There is nothing like discovering the beauty of God's plan personally, for each of us. You can do anything you are willing to try! God will help you succeed!!!
